woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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