My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
