he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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