she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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