So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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