Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
