In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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