Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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