I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
