I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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