i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
