I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
