It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
