Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
