I feel great
I just peed on a car
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
