I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
