genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
