Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
