was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
