i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
