I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
