I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
