shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
