Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
