woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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