drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He felt like a one man threesome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
