Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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