Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
