dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
