Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
