her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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