you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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