You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
