After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
