So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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