in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
