I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
