Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think my moral compass just broke
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
