Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
