At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
