He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
