well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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