so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
