Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
