I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
