I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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