Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
