So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
