Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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