Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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