Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i've created a new STD.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
