WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
