You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
