she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
